Why Doesn't He Love Me Any More? Part I

Ahhh.  The Why question. Why doesn't he love me?  Why is this happening to me?  But my why is different.  Why do you need to know?

Let's pretend that you hold a magic mirror that tells you the truth of someone else's heart. What are you hoping to see?  There's some glaring fault you were blind to, but can now change?  He's being lied to by someone, and the truth will set him free to loving you again?  What we want is some control over this heartbreak, and understanding why deceives us into thinking we can have that control.  If I know why his feelings have changed, then I can change them back.  But, of course, that is a lie.  I know you don't want to hear that, or believe it.  But read it again.  Read it everyday.  You can't change his mind.  You can't be perfect.

Let's say that God tells you exactly why this is happening.  Feel any better?  Because God would tell you about the growth you're going through and show you a future beyond what you can imagine.  What you really want is to argue with Him.  Explain how his reasons aren't good enough. You don't want that future.  You want the one that got away.  

So the why you need to know is bogus.  But, it's still there.  And I have a few answers to that.  When you're ready to listen. When the reason you want to know isn't so you can change everything.

In the meantime, you need some control over something.  And that something is you and the mind baffling state you keep living.  Confront that why with an answer.  When I need to know, God will tell me.  Repeat that every time you start to ask why.  Repeat it until you believe it.  

Singing Our Way through a Break-up

Ask someone the songs that were meaningful to them during a break-up, and they won't disappoint.  Songwriters, and the myriad of professionals attached to them, have been making beau-coup bucks off of heartbreak for awhile now. It's easy to understand. Music touches our soul.  It speaks to our innermost turmoil.

I also love books.  There are a lot of great books on the ultimate break-up, divorce, but not too many on our common girlfriend/boyfriend parting of ways.  A lot of songs.  Not many books.  Is it because the markets are high school and college age girls, and the powers that be think they only have the attention span to cry their eyes out, but not grow?

Because books tend to be about growing.  Whereas break-up songs are about wallowing, longing, revenge, and self-pity.  Sure there are a few that dream of better days, mostly the kind where you stomp all over his heart like he did to you.  (see revenge)

So if you, or your friend, or your daughter are, have or are going to experience the break-up, then join me as we try to figure out some of this growing stuff.  I guess that includes about everyone.

By the way, here are two songs that I briefly cherished during my big break-up.

Still pulls me in.

And this one was not only a hope, but eventually a reality...

So, give up the dirt, what are/were your meaningful break-up songs?

Letting Go

He climbed up the ladder to the backyard slide, cautiously, but with little fear. Two years old and eager to adventure. I stood in the doorway, willing myself to let him. I pulled my controlling fingers off of him one at a time.  Deliberately.  Fearfully.  But determined to trust.  Either he would make it, or he would fall.  If he fell, it wouldn't be fatal.  And isn't life about falling, failing, trying again, and adventuring?

And I've been purposefully peeling my controlling fingers off of him, his younger siblings,  a marriage, my plans, my self... ever since.  But without the determined letting go, our fingers will be bruised and our hearts may be broken.  Not only that, but we are avoiding the beginning of a new dream.  The new places our lives want to go.

Almost 25 years later, and that same boy participates in amazing events like The Goruck Challenge  where he carries 30 pounds of bricks in a backpack, does crazy crawls, push-ups, and all things challenging (in the middle of the night). And pays for the right to be a weekend warrior.  It's still scary for me, even more so since he brings along one of his brothers.  Any finger control I would have over this is imaginary.

Today I am peeling the fingers off of security and venturing out to try new dreams.  It's been a security that doesn't really work for me, but it's comfortable.  I know it.  The ride down that slide, however unknown, has got to be totally worth it.