Valentines and Loyalty

"Go Away! Go back where you came from! No one here likes you!" I barely had time to read the words, let alone their meaning, before friends pulled them off of my locker and ripped them apart.  It was Valentine's Day my junior year in high school.  For a fundraiser, a club sold hearts by the word to be placed anonymously on lockers while you were in class. I remember the thrill of seeing three hearts on my locker as I walked towards it, then the shock of seeing the hateful words, and finally the ferocity of my friends in trying to destroy the damage!  Good and faithful friends.  Loyal.

Then my either at the time boyfriend or soon to be, or be no longer (funny how I forget these things) gave me a ride home and in the midst of comforting me let me know that he would continue to be friends with the girl who had perpetuated the hate.  I hadn't asked him not to be friends with her.  And that reminded me of another time, even more forgotten, of someone who was hurting me, and a friend letting me know that she was going to remain friends with that  hurtful person.

It confused me, because I didn't think that I had asked them to declare their loyalty to me.  But given time, and seeing it happen with others, I realize what was happening.  At a time when I was hurting, I needed comfort, they were thinking about themselves.  It wasn't a choice of loyalty to me or to the other person.  They had chosen and were declaring their loyalty to themselves.  Instead of thinking, how can I help my hurting friend, they were thinking, "How does this affect me?"

I'm just going to go ahead and say it.  A true friend is loyal.  And by this I mean that they are more concerned with your crisis than they are about their comfort.  Samwise Gamgee gave up his comfort to encourage, hold accountable, carry his friend Frodo.  Jonathan gave up his comfort, his throne, his birthright to be a friend to David. Jesus gave up his comfort, his life to be our Eternal Friend.

Friends aren't perfect, but if their first concern in your crisis is about how this affects them, then they are not, by my definition, loyal.  You can do better.  And should.